mothering bodies ~ adoption ~ alt.gender ~ parenting ~ work/life balance

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Decaf

So: I'm two years post-hysterectomy and I get diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). What that means is that all of my comfort foods are making me sick.

As is eating too much.

Or too little.

Or waiting too long to eat.

And if obsessing about eating or not eating isn't enough, stress also makes me sick such that by "sick" I mean that I either have looks-four-months-pregnant bloat with gas pains, constipation, or diarrhea.

Oh, womanhood is so glamorous!

So this summer I gave up the following:

1. chocolate
2. caffeine
3. dairy
4. white bread
5. baked goods

Then I went on vacation for two weeks and was A Very Good Girl on week #1. By week 2, I had fallen so far off the wagon that it ran me over.

Twice.

More stomach issues ensued and so I have now dragged my sorry, bloated carcass back onto the wagon. The wagon of salad and probiotics. And decaf soy lattes. The wagon kind of sucks sometimes.

It would be easier to give up all of these goodies, I think, if all of them made me sick EVERY time I ate or drank them. But sometimes they treat me right.

See? It's like reverse Pavlov.

Or something.

Right? Oh, who cares? I'm tired and bitchy from caffeine withdrawal.

Gimme a baby carrot.